barely morning

it's barely the morning and i have yet to sleep, so i'll consider it part of the same day.
today i woke up to a bad dream. basically i dreamt my ex was in the backseat of a car with me. i was uncomfortable. she leaned in real close and started touching me, rubbing against me and whispering in my ear. i can't remember what she said, but it was less than pleasant. i remember it was confusing and made me mad. it was not the best way to wake up.
there's so much going through my head right now and i have no one to talk to. i wish i could sort it all out on my own. sometimes you need to listen to someone else speak in order for what you're thinking to be coherent.
i'm worried. i'm worried about dying alone and unhappy. i'm worried about never finding my potential. i'm worrid about people despising me because i left, or because i'm not there to defend myself.
Mostly, I guess i'm worried because i don't know what my next move is. I play life to win, but right now i can't see what moves are available to me. so the clock keeps ticking and i keep thinking.

i know i'm a hassle

i need to know you care.
and sometimes i need your help.
but i love you.
and i'll also be there for you, like it or not.
hope you read this.
hope you pass it on.
hope you're ok.