Lame, yes, but it's bothering me.
My friend Amber just got dumped. In my dream I finally get her to hang out and attempt to have fun. We hang out for awhile before I leave to get supplies from the store. I come back and she is gone and her bed is being stripped. I ask those around what happened and they say she had an accident and had to go to the hospital. I frantically arrive at the hospital and find a doctor. She explains that Amber is very badly injured. She's recieved severe contusions all over her body, particularly her chest. Her lungs are bruised and having trouble functioning. Her other organs are not fairing much better. If she lives through te next few days she'll be alright, but she won't look the same. Her face and chest are covered in bruises and scars. They won't let me see her yet so I wander the hospital, weeping uncontrollably. Besides the details the doctor gives me, the thing I remember most is the soul-crushing grief I felt, so strong, it took several minutes of conscious consideration after I awoke to lessen it and it has yet to fade entirely.
Friday, March 28, 2008
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
barely morning
it's barely the morning and i have yet to sleep, so i'll consider it part of the same day.
today i woke up to a bad dream. basically i dreamt my ex was in the backseat of a car with me. i was uncomfortable. she leaned in real close and started touching me, rubbing against me and whispering in my ear. i can't remember what she said, but it was less than pleasant. i remember it was confusing and made me mad. it was not the best way to wake up.
there's so much going through my head right now and i have no one to talk to. i wish i could sort it all out on my own. sometimes you need to listen to someone else speak in order for what you're thinking to be coherent.
i'm worried. i'm worried about dying alone and unhappy. i'm worried about never finding my potential. i'm worrid about people despising me because i left, or because i'm not there to defend myself.
Mostly, I guess i'm worried because i don't know what my next move is. I play life to win, but right now i can't see what moves are available to me. so the clock keeps ticking and i keep thinking.
today i woke up to a bad dream. basically i dreamt my ex was in the backseat of a car with me. i was uncomfortable. she leaned in real close and started touching me, rubbing against me and whispering in my ear. i can't remember what she said, but it was less than pleasant. i remember it was confusing and made me mad. it was not the best way to wake up.
there's so much going through my head right now and i have no one to talk to. i wish i could sort it all out on my own. sometimes you need to listen to someone else speak in order for what you're thinking to be coherent.
i'm worried. i'm worried about dying alone and unhappy. i'm worried about never finding my potential. i'm worrid about people despising me because i left, or because i'm not there to defend myself.
Mostly, I guess i'm worried because i don't know what my next move is. I play life to win, but right now i can't see what moves are available to me. so the clock keeps ticking and i keep thinking.
Saturday, February 2, 2008
i know i'm a hassle
i need to know you care.
and sometimes i need your help.
but i love you.
and i'll also be there for you, like it or not.
hope you read this.
hope you pass it on.
hope you're ok.
and sometimes i need your help.
but i love you.
and i'll also be there for you, like it or not.
hope you read this.
hope you pass it on.
hope you're ok.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Well...
My inevitable suicide has been postponed as I have successfully defeated the mysterious clog that previously resided deep within my apartment's plumbing system. Hooray.
My bathroom has now been disinfected and my toilet once again flushes happily. If anyone would like to celebrate my no longer needing to pee in my sink, let me know, cause I've already made a banner.
My bathroom has now been disinfected and my toilet once again flushes happily. If anyone would like to celebrate my no longer needing to pee in my sink, let me know, cause I've already made a banner.
this blog is about you
you do love me, even if you're scared to admit it.
you're in love with him.
until you're not in love with him anymore... you'll always hold back.
in the meantime, i never hold back.
you're in love with him.
until you're not in love with him anymore... you'll always hold back.
in the meantime, i never hold back.
A Review of a Film I Refuse To See: Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story
I made a conscious decision to not see the latest Judd Apatow effort Walk Hard thanks to two big problems I see with the film:
1) It is an obvious parody of the Johnny Cash biopic Walk The Line.
Walk The Line was a poignant yet entertaining film which managed the difficult task of chronicling the life one of the most popular musicians in history while still being entertaining and reasonably factually accurate. None of this makes Walk The Line off limits for parody. What does is that Walk The Line was released in 2005.
Timeliness is a key factor in satire and making a feature length satire of a film that's over two years old, is about as timely as when Jay Leno still makes a joke about Bill Clinton. The key to a successful and entertaining satire of a movie is to begin work on the satire the first time you see the original in theaters, not the first time you see it in a bargain bin at Sam Goody. I understand it takes time to make a Hollywood picture, modern film-making is a complicated process, but it does not take two years to crank out an hour and 36 minute dick joke, particularly not for Judd Apatow, America's single most prolific dick jokester.
Simply put, if this movie had come out, say, a year a go, I wouldn't really have any problem with it... except for:
2) It stars John C. Reilly in a role clearly written for Will Ferrell.
Now we could assume Walk Hard was probably originally meant to star Ferrell for several reasons, it's written by Apatow, it's a film about a crazy guy doing funny things, the official poster features John C. Reilly trying his best to pass as Will Ferrell, but they all fall short of the most glaring reason: the entire movie fits perfectly within the parameters of the Will Ferrell formula (courtesy of collegehumor.com). The following formula applies to 99.9% of all of Will Ferrell's starring roles:
"Will Ferrell plays (character name), an egotistical, obnoxious (character's job) at the top of his profession. He and his sidekick, played by (insert name of popular comedy actor), seem invincible until their dominance is threatened by a new rival. (Character's name)'s excessive pride causes him to spiral downward to comical lows. When he is at the depths of despair, he removes his shirt and bellows, (Nonsensical, yet hilarious quote). After a wacky training process featuring a surprise cameo by (insert name of actor who happens to be on set that day) and a marginally-developed romantic subplot, he enters into a climactic showdown with his rival and emerges victorious - but not without learning a thing or two about friendship."
Go ahead and apply The Dewey Cox Story to that formula and you'll see that it matches so well that I would not hesitate to think that Judd Apatow was online one day, came across this program and figured he'd save himself some time.
Now, the fact that Walk Hard is a formulaic comedy is not really the problem. The problem is they used the formula on a different actor. Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly have several things in common, curly hair, soft chins, torsos developed through years of an exhaustive regimen of beer and donuts, but acting style is not one of them.
Reilly is a critically-acclaimed, Oscar-nominated character actor, known for both his dramatic roles in films such as Boogie Nights, The Perfect Storm and The Aviator, as well as for occasional supporting roles in nonsensical comedies such as Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny, Tom Goes To The Mayor and of course Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby. Will Ferrell is also critically acclaimed, and has been nominated for two Golden Globes, and while some might argue he's a character actor, he only really plays one character, the obnoxious, crazy guy who is unaware that he is either. And while he has a long list of both supporting and starring roles in comedies, his only roles that pass as dramatic are in comedies that weren't funny (I'm looking at you, The Ladies Man).
Just because both actors appeared side-by-side in the well-received Talladega Nights doesn't mean they're by any means interchangeable, particularly not in a formulaic comedy. As with any formula, you can't just change the ratio of ingredients and expect the same result. Change 8 parts Will Ferrell and 2 parts John C. Reilly to 8 parts John C. Reilly and 2 parts Tim Meadows and there's a good chance you now have the ingredients for a bomb.
Groan-inducing movie-related puns aside, I would happily watch Walk Hard if it had come out last year featuring Will Ferrell. I would sit back in a darkened theater, clutching a Diet Coke the size of my head and a box of Junior Mints the exact dimensions of a boogie board while laughing heartily at every single "Hard Cox" joke that would grace the screen. But by making those two small mistakes, the entire feeling of the film is changed and rather than gorge myself on the guilty pleasure trifecta of mindless comedy, aspartame and high fructose corn syrup, I'm left to sit here in my apartment, killing time until I go to work by writing a pithy review of a film I categorically refuse to see. Do you see what you've done, Judd Apatow? Do you see?
1) It is an obvious parody of the Johnny Cash biopic Walk The Line.
Walk The Line was a poignant yet entertaining film which managed the difficult task of chronicling the life one of the most popular musicians in history while still being entertaining and reasonably factually accurate. None of this makes Walk The Line off limits for parody. What does is that Walk The Line was released in 2005.
Timeliness is a key factor in satire and making a feature length satire of a film that's over two years old, is about as timely as when Jay Leno still makes a joke about Bill Clinton. The key to a successful and entertaining satire of a movie is to begin work on the satire the first time you see the original in theaters, not the first time you see it in a bargain bin at Sam Goody. I understand it takes time to make a Hollywood picture, modern film-making is a complicated process, but it does not take two years to crank out an hour and 36 minute dick joke, particularly not for Judd Apatow, America's single most prolific dick jokester.
Simply put, if this movie had come out, say, a year a go, I wouldn't really have any problem with it... except for:
2) It stars John C. Reilly in a role clearly written for Will Ferrell.
Now we could assume Walk Hard was probably originally meant to star Ferrell for several reasons, it's written by Apatow, it's a film about a crazy guy doing funny things, the official poster features John C. Reilly trying his best to pass as Will Ferrell, but they all fall short of the most glaring reason: the entire movie fits perfectly within the parameters of the Will Ferrell formula (courtesy of collegehumor.com). The following formula applies to 99.9% of all of Will Ferrell's starring roles:
"Will Ferrell plays (character name), an egotistical, obnoxious (character's job) at the top of his profession. He and his sidekick, played by (insert name of popular comedy actor), seem invincible until their dominance is threatened by a new rival. (Character's name)'s excessive pride causes him to spiral downward to comical lows. When he is at the depths of despair, he removes his shirt and bellows, (Nonsensical, yet hilarious quote). After a wacky training process featuring a surprise cameo by (insert name of actor who happens to be on set that day) and a marginally-developed romantic subplot, he enters into a climactic showdown with his rival and emerges victorious - but not without learning a thing or two about friendship."
Go ahead and apply The Dewey Cox Story to that formula and you'll see that it matches so well that I would not hesitate to think that Judd Apatow was online one day, came across this program and figured he'd save himself some time.
Now, the fact that Walk Hard is a formulaic comedy is not really the problem. The problem is they used the formula on a different actor. Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly have several things in common, curly hair, soft chins, torsos developed through years of an exhaustive regimen of beer and donuts, but acting style is not one of them.
Reilly is a critically-acclaimed, Oscar-nominated character actor, known for both his dramatic roles in films such as Boogie Nights, The Perfect Storm and The Aviator, as well as for occasional supporting roles in nonsensical comedies such as Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny, Tom Goes To The Mayor and of course Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby. Will Ferrell is also critically acclaimed, and has been nominated for two Golden Globes, and while some might argue he's a character actor, he only really plays one character, the obnoxious, crazy guy who is unaware that he is either. And while he has a long list of both supporting and starring roles in comedies, his only roles that pass as dramatic are in comedies that weren't funny (I'm looking at you, The Ladies Man).
Just because both actors appeared side-by-side in the well-received Talladega Nights doesn't mean they're by any means interchangeable, particularly not in a formulaic comedy. As with any formula, you can't just change the ratio of ingredients and expect the same result. Change 8 parts Will Ferrell and 2 parts John C. Reilly to 8 parts John C. Reilly and 2 parts Tim Meadows and there's a good chance you now have the ingredients for a bomb.
Groan-inducing movie-related puns aside, I would happily watch Walk Hard if it had come out last year featuring Will Ferrell. I would sit back in a darkened theater, clutching a Diet Coke the size of my head and a box of Junior Mints the exact dimensions of a boogie board while laughing heartily at every single "Hard Cox" joke that would grace the screen. But by making those two small mistakes, the entire feeling of the film is changed and rather than gorge myself on the guilty pleasure trifecta of mindless comedy, aspartame and high fructose corn syrup, I'm left to sit here in my apartment, killing time until I go to work by writing a pithy review of a film I categorically refuse to see. Do you see what you've done, Judd Apatow? Do you see?
the problem as i see it
my nature seems to contain two clear factors: i am an efficient mindless worker and i am relatively creative person. these two things seem to be in opposition. i am extremely comfortable doing earning money through mindless routine tasks that have little if any effect on the world at large. i am happy if no one cares if do my job well or poorly, and most often i will do the job well anyway. this does not satisfy me, but it gives me a sense on internal peace i do not find in "meaningful" work. i would much rather earn money doing something pointless than something vital, or even mildly more important. I am naturally creative. as writing becomes a weekly duty for me i find that my creativity with this writing does not diminish. i am able to express myself to some extent despite other more pressing concerns in my life. which could discourage me from the relatively minor 500 words for five dollars writing job.Both fo these things would seem comforting. i am not tethered by the seemingly universal need for one's life's work to be important, nor do i appear to be a finite well of creative expression doomed to dry up. but both of these facts about me are leashed by a third more paramount fact: i seem to be utterly incapable of taking care of myself for an extended period of time. i am unable and often unwilling to show the most basic foundation of life on earth: self-preservation. why i don't take care of myself, physically, emotionally, socially, professionally, is something i don't understand. and perhaps that is the route of the problem.
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